Mind you, yes, I am doing a hell of a lot better than a couple of years ago. I go to the gym. I work part time. I hang out with friends. But I'm napping a hell of a lot. And the exercise is gradually getting more and more. I'm not a normal person of my age yet. Working on it still. I've come a long way but still have some more to go.

So my roommate today says that she's so annoyed with the loudness of our upstairs neighbors (which by the way, I've had MUCH MUCH louder neighbors in the past) has gotten to her. So she wants us to MOVE to another apartment on the SECOND floor.

I'm thinking, "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR F-ING MIND?!"

There's just no way. I can't handle moving again. It would be I think the 9th time in 7 years. My body can't handle it. I'm trying to get myself prepared for film and tv production work. The LAST thing I need is the emotional and physical stress of moving to another apartment.

She wants to stay in the same apartment complex, and thus thinks the move will be fairly easy. HA! She thinks I have the money for movers and that it will be easy with movers. HA! I have a lot of stuff. Including an antique bed that I can't know that I'll be able to put back together again. My mom helped with it all last time. Hell, the bed might even break during the actual move.

Not to mention, yes, I'm working on walking up flights of stairs. Gotten much much better. But every single day being forced to walk up a flight of stairs regardless of how awful I feel? Right now I have no stairs I absolutely MUST climb. I can take an elevator from the garage to the ground floor, which we live on.

I told her I understood her concerns but that I didn't think I could physically handle the move. Two minutes later, alone, in my room I decided there's no way in freakin hell I could handle that right now, nor would I want to.

It's so freakin frustrating. She sees me bubbly and up and about for a few minutes and views me as totally healthy. That's from tons of rest and stressless life right now. I'm not working currently. My workout routine is limited and not every day. I still have random bouts of feeling sick every now and then. Like today I was out at lunch with friends, praying to myself I didn't pass out, contorting my long legs under the short table into crossed legs to keep the blood from pooling to my feet.

Am I my old invalid self anymore? Hell no. But am I well enough to move again? HELL NO.

So now I'm going to have to deal with finding a new roommate or dealing with my current roommate being moody and bitter because I didn't "let" her move to another apartment. (And trust me, that's my roommate. she'll never forgive me for "doing this" to her.) If I say No I'm not moving, and thus she decides not to move because she herself is too lazy to find a new roommate-- She'll blame me for it all. Every time the neighbors get mildly loud there'll be an "issue." Trust me. I'm not overreacting about this. She has borderline personality disorder. So life is usually fine, but when it's bad, it's really freakin bad.

This is a flippin nightmare.

The lease is up October 1st. If an upstairs apartment opens up in the next few months (which is a probability) she can move up there if she wants but I'm staying down here and going to have to find a new roommate. I can't afford to sign a lease by myself.

Times like these make me worry terribly that my parents are going to pull the plug and say I have to leave los angeles, come back to maryland, and move back in with them again until I'm "well enough" to be financially independent.

Nitekitty - I'm so sorry - how totally infuriating and frustrating. That's the thing about this illness. People for whatever reason see you when you're doing well and think you're cured and all the problems have gone away. What they don't seem to get is that you have worked your behind off getting to that point and are struggling every day to stay there. No matter how many times I explain to some people, when I am having a good period, they say, "oh, so you're fine now?" and seem shocked when the relapse comes on. It is infuriating. Of course, you want to keep the progress you have made. I don't know your roommate so I can't say if she would be willing to listen to you. Seems like if she doesn't get it by now, she may not. You are definitely better off not having to deal with a bitter person because the stress will just make you feel worse. Maybe it will be for the best - maybe it's time for you to have a more compassionate, understanding roommate.
I wish I had an answer but it seems to me she may not be the best person for you to spend your days with anyway. But, whatever you do, don't put yourself in a situation that will make you feel worse out of guilt or obligation. You've worked hard to make the progress you have and you deserve to keep it!
Good luck - I'm pulling for you!

Thanks so much. There is no answer really. But you're right. Perhaps I'll get a better roommate. Of course I always think, "Crap, I'll get a worse roommate than the one I have now!" LOL

You know. This was on top of the day before I went to see the nurse practioner I like so much at the east west medical clinic. Where I get the acupuncture, etc. She's been incredibly supportive in the past and I like going to her. I hadn't seen her in two months though because I had been in maryland.

But it's like--- with everyone we encounter in life ---if they themselves don't have dysautonomia, all of them reach a breaking point or threshold for understanding.

So as usual she asks me my symptoms. And I tell her yet again that my chief complaint is the shortness of breath. I told her my fatigue is much better since I've been on the supplements, but that now that I have the energy to exercise, I can't catch my breath!

This time around she ended up giving me a pseudo pep talk that if I just keep exercising, that symptom will surely go away. In other words, I'm just out of shape.

So frustrating. I didn't even bother trying to explain again, for the millionth time in my life, how yes, gradually building up my exercise tolerance DOES help some, but it doesn't really get rid of the problem.

I totally understand your frustrations. I've been able to start water exercise and physical therapy at a very low threshold. 5 minutes on the cycle machine at a low resistance level and going slowly tires me. Thank goodness I'm not doing any physical therapy upright yet.

I have stairs in my home and there are days where I literally sit down and rest on them. Or I crawl up them. But other days, I am ok. I don't understand why stairs are harder, but they are....and if you don't have to use them daily then you shouldn't.

I think I remember you posting about previous frustrations with your roommate (???) Maybe this is a blessing in disguise and you will find someone who is understanding and supportive?