To all my wonderful friends here who thought I dropped off the face of the planet. I am still here, and like you, still struggling. I taught summer school for 4 weeks which almost killed me, and then could barely stand up for 2 1/2 weeks after. Didn't leave the house, didn't sit at the computer. Work has been very tough and wow, did I ever find out how little people like sick people! I also found a few very compassionate people. Anyway, u all understand that. I have been on the discouraged side lately for a lot of reasons...maybe I will write more about it later, but I just wanted to check in and say hello, and I miss all your wonderful support. I hope to hear from some of you that things have improved, but am also here to give support for those who aren't doing well. Peace, love, and keep those stress levels down and don't overdo it, Nesh

hi neshema -
i have never posted with you personally, but have read MANY of your previous posts when i joined the forum and began my research. it sounds like you struggle a great deal, but are such an incredible fighter. i understand you are a professor? my boyfriend is pursuing a phd, and academia is a really really demanding field for someone who is ill. i look forward to hearing more about you and your experiences!

Good to hear from you again. I've had some interesting things happen and will fill you in when it's not so late.

I so hope you are feeling better now.
smiles

Hi Neshema,
I too was affected by your posts when I first joined this group. I am so sorry to hear of your struggles.

It is interesting as I identify with you a tremendous amount, especially in that I too have been very discouraged for the past 6 or 7 months.

I am usually a very positive person and am struggling to figure out why I am so discouraged and trying to figure out how to get out of this slump.

I have been dealing with the disability issue for 9 years (in November) now and am sure that as time continues to move forward and I remain no better that it has affected my mood and usual very hopeful attitude.

I will continue to hang in here and read as many posts as I can in order to find my way back to the land of the positive thinkers.

Lots of love and hugs,
Sharon

THank you all for writing. Yes, I am a Full Prof with tenure who was riding high before all this, and now? Well, now, I think my univ is trying to prove I am too sick to work, even though I have great course evaluations, grants, and a very strong publication record. I built a great doc program, and we have incredible facilities (from grants I obtained)....yet, my admin no longer treats me like the golden girl....guess I am damaged goods there too, not just for guys/dating. REgardless, I do everything I can to help myself, and I am not giving up on life yet or going to retire. I am lucky I dont punch a clock. Yeah, stress is the worst thing for POTS, and I thought they were setting up to fire me. They treated me so badly the doc students became upset and went to our admin and threatened to leave if I leave. I pay caretakers to help me in the morning. Anyway, I have become a much deeper person from all of this, and appreciate being in the moment. Unfortunately, I gtg, cuz I am going into seizure mode, and must try to put my feet up. I feel ready to vomit. So, this moment isn't my most enjoyable, but good things now seem really good, and I am more grateful.

that just sounds horrible, neshema. my dream has been to teach in academia, but since hearing more and more stories of people being treated horribly due to chronic illnesses (sometimes not even their own, but their spouse's or child's!), i am really turned off. congratulations for being such a fighter and being so supported by your doctoral students.
i am completely switching gears myself from a liberal arts background in order to get into vet school (so i can work for myself). i am about to go back to school, and am scared to death of the level of mental and physical committment. i cannot imagine what i will do having an episode in the classroom, or a laboratory. i wasn't sick hardly a day in college, so this will be all new to me. i only hope i can be as strong!

Hi Nesh,

Glad to hear from you. I'm trying the best I can too, it's all I can do.

HI Blue!!! Believe me, I have decided the meaning of life is having fun in the moment. I try hard to be mindful of that.

Gracie- seems we have a lot in common. I like to joke "is it too late to change my major?" I loved it, but it doesn't define me. I don't have to be the best or even the healthiest (would be nice), but I aim for being most content. Some days I am, others I am not, but I like to have fun, and I decided that means a whole lot more than a PhD!!! However, I never got a PhD for the degree. I did it cuz I was interested in something I found important, timely, amd facinating. I thought I could have an impact on practice in my field. Maybe I have, but now I work on having a positive impact from within and connecting with individuals. I can't save the world, but I seek peace and happiness for myself, loved ones, and all of you wonderful people. Someday, things may be better for us, until then, this is life...make the most of it u can (which sometimes isn't a lot). I plan a lot less. I worry less. I think less about the future and more about NOW. Like everything in life, there is good and bad in academia. It is a good gig cuz of the hours and benefits. It can be a tough place because people want glory. I can;t care about that stuff anymore. I care more about the success of my awesome doc students, among other things, like learning that failing is really okay....it makes others look good!

Hang in there g'friend. We are ALL pulling for you! This is a bumpy road--but NOT impassible!

XOXOXOX
Sandy

Hi Nesh,

It's nice to see you posting. I'm sorry you are still struggling but I guess we all are. No success stories here, I WISHED.....lol. Continue to hang in there and take it one day at a time, thats what I try to do.

You all rock, and I am sorry but I agree with xena. Sad, huh?