Because of my being allergic to fragrances, chemicals, & very sensitive hearing I have had virtually no social life for 20 years. Giving up church & other events was very devastating to me. At times I think I might try attending a service but I already know what the outcome would be & I don't think it would be worth it. Do any others have this problem & how do you cope? Thanks.

Jonni,

I know what you mean about not having a social life--I'm sure to a certain extent, we all do. One thing that has brought me a lot of joy when I can't go out is inviting people over. As long as they know that my apartment isn't clean (nor will it be any time soon) and as long as they don't expect a 5 course meal, we usually have a good time just sitting around or playing a board game with friends. Try inviting people over to a situation that you ARE comfortable with. Maybe you can't go to a Church service, but ask your church leader if you could have some members of the congregation over to have a Bible study or a book club if you like to read. I'm sure your church leader would not object to helping you organize it.

I know that suggestions probably wasn't what you were looking for... sometimes we just need to comiserate. But if I think of any other ideas I will let you know.

Hang in there.
GoArmy

I don't have much of a social life either. I have found that it is a special person who realizes and is okay with the fact that I can not go out and can not sit up and chat. I have found some great friends that are willing to visit while I lay in bed. They either get a chair or crawl in. It may seem strange at first but do what you have to to get the social contact that we all need. As for the church aspect, I am sure that your church has people who bring communion, visit people, etc. My motto is that it never hurts to ask.

i know what you mean. it's my day off and look what i am doing......nothing.

Same here. many, many years ago (as a teenager) I used to love going out and socializing.

At 52 years of age I would love a social life. I love being around people. I was always naturally that way. And I'm not blowing my own trumpet but I hear back through people how much people like my company.

But I spend most of the time on my own. And lately that time spent on my own is growing as symptoms seem to be getting stronger -- again.

Thanks for the suggestions. One of the problems of inviting people over is that they usually stay too long & I'm worn out. The #1 problem with people coming in is they always have on some kind of fragrance that makes me sick. When they leave it's still in the furn & drapes. It doesn't matter how many times I tell them or how many "no fragrance" signs I post they just don't get it. Sometimes family are the worst.

I'm not even allergic to perfume and fragrances but some people just overdo it soooooo much that I can't stand the smell so it must be hard for you!

I'm really surprised that your guests don't remember not to wear fragrances... I had a bf back in HS who was allergic to fragranced lotion/perfume etc and I never had trouble remembering to avoid using it when he is around...

I know what you mean about people staying too long. Maybe invite them over to watch a movie or have dinner (order in or whatever) try to make it clear that once the 'event' is over, it's time to go home. I hate it when guests outstay their welcome--it's especially hard when you feel sick. Do you have a favoriite TV show? Maybe invite someone over to watch the TV show with you because that would be a set amount of time. I hope you find osmething that works for you.

Being allergic to fragrances is a HUGE bummer. You could always say "Dude, you stink. Your smell makes me sick." Then they would either remember not to wear the fragrances or you would only have friends who come back who don't wear any!

Best wishes with all this... I hope something works out.
GoArmy

My sweetie is always trying to 'let me have a life', so I will find out at 3-4 pm that I have guests coming at 6 pm. He wants to go places that I can't go, and stays too long. He just won't hear that I am overextended.I love him and worry about when he is gone, he is 70 and I will be 60 in a couple of months. Right now I can't drive, and am very limited---I appreciate his help, but I also fear if he goes first. I do not have a safety net, and I refuse to go to a nursing home. I would prefer to pass on myself. How are others dealing with this kind of problem?

Dragonflower,

I worry about that sometimes too and I'm only 48 and hubby 56. I can drive and get out and do things on my own but I don't highway drive or travel on my own so for many things I am dependent on him. I try to stay as independent as I can - sometimes easier than others times. I do overextend myself often to go places he wants - hockey games, concerts...but then again I over extend myself to go places I want too and just have to live with the consequences the next day - sometimes it is bad other not too bad-I find this all very unpredictable. I think we should justs try not to worry about things and live one day at a time b/c we really don't know what is going to happen in life - and not just us, no one knows what tomorrow will bring.

Thank God for the computer. I have met so many nice people here! And when I'm done, I say good-bye, and turn it off. Luckily I have a bf that is just as much of a hermit, as I am. Thank-god for the playstation! It keeps him busy, while I lie and craft/relax! Although, don't get me wrong...sometimes I want to throw it out the window, but I guess when I look at the big picture, it works for us. And when everyone else is tired of 'hearing' it, I talk to the cat....at least he pretends to listen.

Dragonflower, My DH & I are both in our 60's. He does everything he always did. I only drive occ short trips & am very restricted in what I do. I don't think DH has a clue as to how bad I feel most of the time or even cares as long as he does what he wants. He is good to drive me to where I need to go. I know how you feel. I can see the nursing home in my future. I expect DH to live longer than me but I can't see him taking care of me because I've always been the caretaker.